renabunny42

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I feel like playing Okage again, I'm feeling so much like Ari lately


Urge to curl up in bed until college is here again is strong, at least when I throw myself in my studies it's something. I'm not wasting air.

SO YEAH, FOR REF, HAVE A FLOATING POST

Stuff you are watching you two

1. Firefly + Serenity (Around 13 hours?)
2. Heat Guy J (Around 13 hours also I think +_+)

.......er, maybe just Firefly and go from there |D We will see. Just random viewing with HGJ? I dunno, we'll figure it out.

Stuff I can bring since save the convo when I listed stuff? of course not

( As list is loong )
And bringing my .hack stuff of course :3 That part will be pretty easy~ Last edited 1:44am, Aug 19th

YEAH, COMMENT HERE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS WOMAN

AND OTHERS ARE FREE TO

for AMAT OMNES, @ lj http://community.livejournal.com/amatomnes/profile

EDIT:
Own little list since SOMEONE NEVER COMMENTED after I took the time to fight interwebs to post this +_+

• Nero from DMC4
  
• Yuiko from Loveless
  
• Ikki from Air Gear
  
• Haru from Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
  
• Subaru from Tokyo Babylon/X
  
• Hokuto from Tokyo Babylon/X
  
• Nina from Code Geass
  
• Trucy Wright from Ace Attorney
  
• Ovan from .hack//G.U.
  
  
  As of 09/04/08
  
  • Seishirou
    
  • Hokuto
    
  • Ovan
    
  • Yuiko

\o/


also, rena is having too much fun with her new toy:

http://s18.photobucket.com/albums/b104/renadeles/other/?action=view¤t=ECV_00003.flv

Ask any of my RPG/story characters a question and they will answer. Be careful, some of them may bite you or hump your leg and just about all of them will lie if they don't want to give a straight answer...

Feel free to ask as a character or a mun. They will respond accordingly.

( saving space here )

You know the feeling, the signs. People are drifting away, everyone can tell it's happening, but... you just can't build up any energy to make a difference, even if you do care.

More and more I wonder about why I get online, besides for a small handful of people. There is others I miss talking to, that I know might miss talking to me, but I keep being too depressed to bother them. I'm too depressed to RP, I'm too depressed to try to talk. For better or worse I feel like I'm the one who tries, the one who has to reach out. And I don't have the energy anymore.

On one hand that sounds so wrong, on the other, I've stopped reaching, and as a result I rarely talk to anyone besides for one or two people. I try to downplay it, I try to build back up that energy since I've seen the posts, but still I don't reach out. I love my muses, but it feels like I can never interact with anyone besides for one or two people. Everyone else it's a fight, a trial, I'm not on when they are or mostly I offer, offer, and I'm lucky to start a log, much less finish one.

And I feel silly, it's RP. But this one thing I want to have control of, I don't. I have the two or three I leech on to, and the maybe few others I chatter with. How are you? I'm breathing. I don't lie, but... but what? I'm depressed more often then not, these past two months, even more then before. And while it's just RP, I don't have RL friends, online friends are all I have. I maybe had real friends but we've fallen apart and all I have to reach at is people I feel horrible for being a burden too, for forcing to deal with my drama.

But I also want to reach out more, want to say HERE, LOOK AT ME. But I almost never point at this thing, would feel too needy if I did. All I have are these posts, this venting, this screaming for attention. But if no one knows about it, what does it matter? I can talk, and rant, and scream, and it's as good as if it never happened.

And my father is my father, and one of these days this house will kill to me. I try to reach out to my mother and she ignores me, I feel like Ari, I feel like I'm talking to air. I feel like they're making me into a doll, just agree, he's always right, never cry, never speak up. Yet he wonders why I don't talk to him anymore....

I feel no passion, all this talk of finding your bliss, and I don't know what mine is, if I'll ever know it. I don't know how to cry anymore, I have to hold back too much. Last week was a godsend, reminded me of what life should be like. I spent too much money and laughed and things weren't perfect but god, it was life. It was people I only know so well but I want to go back to there, back to sharing a house with someone where I can breath and not worry about screaming, about it being shoved in my face how I can't do a goddamn thing right and I do nothing, how I don't try. But if trying makes things worse, if talking just hurts more, then why try?

Wouldn't it be better to just be a doll, so I wouldn't care? Then none of this would hurt me, I wouldn't care how I'm friendless besides for three people. Oh, I talk to more people, but people I would honestly count as friends?

I would dream of better days, but there never was any. Just they weren't as bad as this.

RP with Ali and Kat. Too damn long since I RPed with both of you, this is being fixed tonight. EDIT: Or not it seems u.u* One of these days I will be free to be online and be not depressed. Hell will freeze over afterwords, but.

Syd

On that subject, go talk to Ri and Char you pansy

Talk with fin aid @ collage. Paying for stuff is good

also work out budget for various stuff coming up

get to recording the room for Aunty and others

Showering Perfect-sama and Avi with more love needs to happen too

CD for Nick

Work on keeping this mood. I actually feel half up to dealing with stuff instead of the normal hopelessness. Well it was nice the 1.5 days it lasted? +_+

Housework

Getting ready for school

miscellaneous which I will remember and add later

Logs (to be started/finished before hell freezes over hopefully)

Logs to finish: Hakka and Bekkou X2

Kyoko and Ryohei~ more sibling time and maybe some more poking :/

Kokujo and Mura~

Mura and Natsuo~~

mura and gokkun~~~<3

something with seiji and kyoko. Maybe himawari too?

follow up with hakka and shiba most likely~

Dating Game

Something with Mura and Konata?

Just in gen, throwing kids in chat

that random Gwen and Fai log I keep talking about with avi

Tags: todo

T H E N ↔ N O W

( same old, feel free to move along )

I also feel like a brat for this. At least I have both my parents, even if they'll be the death of me. And for that matter others have so much going on, our issues seem so small. Of course I'm half worried about dad since he does such a pisspoor job of taking care of himself. The dark jokes about a heart attack don't help, I don't let him mow anymore, do it myself and what I can of the yard despite the fact I... yeah, I am a wimp body wise. Always have to cool down for a while after, then take my shower.


EDIT: I also feel nicely apathetic now. I shouldn't prefer being in this state, but it just makes things so much easier...

poking through old posts, and I found a survey I did about two years ago XD Thought I would post it here and FINALLY get to giving my own answers for it :3

Note for the Hikas of the world: you don't need to be a gamer, if you've just played solitaire a few times STILL FILL THIS OUT.
You have opinions, I wanna hear 'em.
Just fill out as much as you wanna, you don't have to answer all 7 points


1. What was the first game you played?

2. What consoles do you own, have own in the past, or wished you owned?

3. How often do you play video games?
b. computer games?

4. What are your top 5 favorite games of all time and why?
b. top five stinkers?

5. What type of games are you interested in and why?
b. not interested in?

6. If you play with others, who do you normally play with?

7. Anything else you'd like to throw in?

insert post here about how RL is Special right now. That I may go back and write, but right now. Right now I'm just tired, am trying to keep my food down, and just want to sleep life away kinda.

by the way, that's driving me crazy. some alt song about a guy masturbating and sleeping his life away? I can't remember the title. Plz, help me with this someone :/ It's driving me CRAZY

I WAS going to go to bed to read more of my Mercedes Lackey book (mmmmm, good fantasy <3 it has been too long) but then fell across an article and well, I feel the need to rant now. Which is silly since I leave the house in... oh, six and a half hours or so. SLEEP, I don't honor you enough.


Anyway, as most of you know I mostly got my DS for the Phoenix Wright series. I've had it about six months now, give or take, and I think in this time I've gotten enough of an idea about it. The PSP I got when it came out, and use it a great deal.

Which is why I always have to frown when I see articles bashing the PSP in favor of the DS.

Things Rena Has Noticed In Her Time Having Both Systems:

1. Battery life. The PSP does not have a bad battery life, and when you do plug it in it charges quickly. The DS, which I use much less frequently, is more a pain about this. I have to leave it in longer and it seems to need charges a bit too much considering how much it stays on.

2. Library. I love PW, and I have gotten other games. But looking over the DS library, the PSP one has about three times the games I'm interested in. Maybe it's taste, but with the DS I honestly feel I've gotten all the games I've wanted besides for one. With the PSP, I only have so much because of only having so much money to spend.

3. Wi-fi. I point and laugh at the DS on this. I have had the thing, again, around half a year. I have yet to do ANY wi-fi things with it, I never find people in range. And yes, I do have a few games I could use the feature on. PSP, has internet browser which is mucho useful. I get to read my gmail/stories/whatever anywhere in the house without having to lug around a laptop. It's nice and portable, and very easy to get talking with any wireless networks in the area for when I'm on the go.

4. Features. MUSIC! My PSP is my music player, which also does video. I have in the past watched movies with this thing. But I'd say two fifths of the time I'm using mr. PSP, it's for music/video. PSP has lots of other nice things about it.

5. Random stuff. The DS drives me crazy how you have to turn it off for every little thing. Don't even change a setting? Still power it off. Quit the game? Power off. The PSP I can just press a button to pop out of a game/browser/video/whatever. My PSP isn't as linr-clingy as my DS screen seems to be, nor do I have to clean it as much.



SO, ALL IN ALL. Am I a dork who would have STILL spent the $150 for a DS since I wanted that color damnit and then go out and get half the AA series new aka 30 or so bucks a pop? Yes, yes I would. Do I love my PSP about ten times more then my DS? Hell yeah.



Now if you excuse me, Tylendel was joking about hitting on Savil last I left off. Thank you for your time <3 (and yes, that mood does spell bad for me and sleep. AH WELL!)

An update over at soupmix, I have most of my fics done so far for the PWKM over at lj up now. Those will be beta'd and made shiny at some point.

So, what be our topic tonight?

Crossplay

Crossplay is an interesting topic. Reading over an article just now, it brought up a good point. A girl can crossplay, and you don't really think about it. A guy does it, and you notice every time. With girls, it can just be cosplaying but with a guy you more or less have to notice the crossdressing part of it.


My own personal reasons for cosplay and crossplay have always been very straight forward for me. First and foremost, there does tend to be more guys then girls that are cool and interesting. Add to that the fact that I'm very self conscious of my body so those girls that are cool, tend to have outfits I could never wear without dying from over blushing.

Second, I find it fun. It feels odd to go to an anime con without cosplaying. I don't think everyone needs to cosplay, but it just isn't the same personally if I'm in my same old.

My third reason is the most personal one, it makes an easy outlet for crossdressing. I actually do bind now and then outside of cosplay, and do like to crossdress occasionally. I'm happy being a girl, but while as of the last two or three years I finally developed an interest in dresses, around that same time I also started liking the thought of trying to look like a guy every once in a while.

My family, if I were to crossdress openly, I don't think would be very supportive. I would get more men's clothes if I could get away with it, and if I didn't feel so shy and embarrassed walking into that section in a clothes store. Crossplay offers an outlet where they think I'm simply cosplaying, plus a means of getting men's clothing for later use.


Plus, I just plain find most of the outfits cool :)

116751 hours and counting :)

And this is amusing, since I actually prefer a smaller chest, and a woman who's D or bigger tends to turn me *off*

But then, I suppose 20 something woman aren't their real target audience, is it? :)

This is going to be very rambly, but oh well.
( Ramble behind the cut, and yes I did write this RIGHT before bed 8D )

Read, and don't be eating anything at the time XD

http://beefcake-cop.livejournal.com/8918.html

ALL POSTS BELOW HERE BE FROM MY OLD LJ

So like yeah, tried to fix all links but feel free to comment here if you see one I missed

..................Ephebophilia is not pedophilia. Regardless people, please, look up your terms. Just because the majority is misusing a word doesn't mean you should be.

1. ahaha, GU <3 I love you so and will most likely go to play you soon, you amuse me mucho mucho. To the moon tree part of vol two, almost to the thrown room! \o/

2. yey, my little HP writing comm is going well :D I mean, REALLY. I'm so used to the pair days, when I had to poke after a bit to get people- I've had 24 claims so far, and people only started joining six days ago. Which might I add, they started BEFORE I ran the add for it- I just had a request to affiliate with a HP writing comm at that point, and that was all people could have known of it besides for interest looking or the few I talked to with getting it up.

3. Speaking of HP, weeee apathy. Wry yes, rena finds she just doesn't care anymore the same way she did last time, but she'll still read- I think something kinda broke in prt 1, or something. However, you will notice the icon. Plan on using that until I don't. And I don't plan on moving..... but I might make backups for the hell of it.

4. New fic up at soupmix, Cross!Akira one. Have a fairy tale FB one in the works, and just a little bit before I'm DONE with a Cross!Mikoto one :) Gwendal and Subaru will most likely be next, though no idea what I'll write for them....

5. I'm having fun with art ATM. Mainly turning the splash of TRC 159 into a wallpaper, and making two color ver of the splash for 162 as well. Also debating making Soel and Larg icons, and some other stuff.

6. Debating editing either my layout or my profile with manga/anime/whatevah I'm read/watching atm, will catch up on I SWEAR, and I mean to get into one day. It'll have to be saved for a really slow day, tho.

.........this is also love. http://www.box.net/shared/3jryo4q013 have it, enjoy it, pass it on <3


EDIT: InsaneJournal and something-to-be called Scribblit(check twocorpses @ lj for more info) is what I'm mostly looking at, with Scribblit being moreso what I'm eyeing. Fic LJ is again what I mostly want, but I may start posting there with just gen stuff too. Unless LJ really pisses me off (which again, too apathetic at this point for this to happen I think) I'll just being mirroring the stuff I post here, there. However if I do get pissed off, then this stuff will become a mirror :) Until I decide to use this LJ as a sacrifice or something for a worthy enough cause.